I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
