a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
