Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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