When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
