You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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