There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
