i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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