K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
