Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
