You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
