It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
