i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
