He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
