Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
