i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Mom said you looked used
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Randomize
