I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
