I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
