I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
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