Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
