I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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