apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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