A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
