My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
