So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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