he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
