How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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