don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
