i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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