the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
