There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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