Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
