and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
