she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
