Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
