so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
