I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
