thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
