I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
