Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
even my farts smell like vagina
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
