You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
