im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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