I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
