Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
