i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
