I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
The uberlube is also flammable
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I am one with the molecules
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
