You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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