he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Randomize
