If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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