i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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