she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
it's like heaven, but drunker
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
