I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
