I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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