When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
