I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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