check it out our google latitudes are spooning
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
