A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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