I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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