I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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