HIV tests are more positive than that guy
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
