his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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