I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
