I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
