I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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