I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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