Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boob is missing a layer of skin
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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