im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
