That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
But theres a keg here and me gusta
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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