i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
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