Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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