wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
