Do you still have your period?
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
