Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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