You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
