She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
