The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
