Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
